Monthly Archives: August 2013

Heavy on my heart


There are so many things weighing on my mind lately. So many things that I want to do yet don’t and so many things that I do yet I don’t want to do them.

For instance, I qualify for a full pell grant. I can go to college for free yet I don’t know what I want to do. I really love birth yet I feel like becoming a midwife is just too much responsibility for me. Maybe I could become a nurse. But I’m too squeamish. Or maybe a teacher. But I don’t want to deal with the public school system. Maybe an accountant. But that’s boring. I really just don’t know. And I’m not sure what I’m good at. I was a preschool teacher for 5 years. I enjoyed that. And I was a nanny for 2 years. It was fun. Other than that I have no idea. When I was a child I dreamed of becoming an opera singer. When I was in high school I dreamed of becoming a karate instructor. And when I was 19 I dreamed of becoming a ESL teacher. Now that I’ve had a baby. I’ve become obsessed with birth and breastfeeding. But I do t know where to start if I went that route.

As for the things that I do but I don’t want to do. I play video games. Yet I don’t want to. It’s such a waste of time. I pay way too much attention to my phone and social media. I watch too much tv. I secretly eat ice cream even though. I know I need to just throw it out.

I feel like I have no self control. And I hate it. I dislike the way I am. Yet have no idea how to change.

I want to read my bible. Drink enough water. Stick to my diet ( not a weight loss diet a dairy free diet) brush my teeth twice a day. Keep my house spotless. Spend more time paying attention to Samuel. Tend a garden. Raise chickens. Juice regularly. Pray consistently. Stay calm during stressful situations. Have good posture. Exercise.

So many things I want to do yet I don’t do them. Sure I preach a healthy life style but why is it so hard to maintain. Why am I so lazy. Why am I so detached from life. I’m in desperate need of focus and willpower.

How does one achieve control of oneself and their emotions. I find my self getting annoyed with Samuel when he cries a lot. He is a baby and it is normal for him to cry. Why to I get short with him. What the hell is wrong with me?!

I guess I am at a major crossroads. One where I must leave behind my childish ways and become a woman. I thought having a baby would magically transform me. But it didn’t. I am still the same me. Still the same person with so much internal damage. I want to become more than I am.

Chocolate Cream Cheese Cool Whip Frosting

Chocolate Cream Cheese Cool Whip Frosting

My husbands birth day was a couple weeks ago and I made a homemade chocolate cake and cupcakes. I wanted a frosting that was light fluffy and mildly sweet but I couldn’t find the perfect recipe online. It hadn’t been invented yet!

So here is what I came up with. Looks amazing huh?


1 stick of butter

2/3 cup cocoa powder

3 cups powdered sugar

1/3 cup milk or milk substitute

1 tsp vanilla extract

4 oz organic cream cheese or substitute softened

1 tub of cool whip

Melt butter and stir in cocoa powder. Allow to cool for 2 minutes. Put the cocoa mixture into a large bowl and add the vanilla. Using an electric mixer slowly combine the powdered sugar and milk alternating. Start and ending with powdered sugar.  Finish off by folding in the cool whip and combine with the mixer until the frosting is a uniform color. Cool for about 30 minutes then ice your cupcakes, cake or just eat it right out of the bowl.

Happy Eating!

Vegan Mexican Salad

Vegan Mexican Salad

I have such a hard time coming up with side dishes to serve with Mexican dinners (and NO rice and beans do not count as sides in my opinion) I had a bunch of veggies and I was going to make this one recipe which was basically a corn slaw . But I had avocados and lettuce so I decided to mix everything together into one dish and Bam! this amazing salad was born!


1/2 of a red onion diced small

1 red bell pepper diced

2 avocados cubed

1 tomato (I used a lovely orange tomato) diced

a handful cilantro

juice of 1/2 a lime

1 cup of frozen corn

olive oil

salt and pepper

lettuce of choice (I used romaine)

Heat olive oil in a frying pan toss in red bell pepper and frozen corn. Cook for about 3 minutes. you don’t want them to lose their crunchy texture. Allow to cool for 3 minutes. You want it to be slightly warm.

In a large bowl add red onion, tomato, avocado, cilantro and lime juice

into the bowl toss in your warm corn and red bell pepper

salt and pepper to taste and serve over lettuce.

This would also go great mixed with black beans or grilled chicken

serves 4 as a side dish and 2 as an entree

I served mine up with some nachos


Happy Eating

White Bean & Spinach Soup

White Bean & Spinach Soup


1/2 lb dried navy beans (soaked for 6 hours)

2 Tbsp coconut oil

2 Stalks celery diced

1 medium onion diced

2 italian turkey sausage links

36 oz organic chicken broth

1 cup water

1/2 tsp pepper

5 oz spinach  fresh

1 Tbsp dried basil

1 Tbsp dried oregano

1 tsp powdered red pepper

.5 Tbsp garlic powder

1 cup diced carrots

salt to taste (redmonds real salt)

1 cup black wild rice

Soak beans for 6 hours in water
Heat oil in large pot over medium heat. Remove sausage from skin, brown and crumble.
Add diced carrots, celery and onion.
Saute for 5 minutes.
Add beans, chicken broth, water, pepper, rice, and spices.
Bring to a boil. then simmer on medium low for 1 hour.
Add washed spinach and bring to a back to a boil.
Lower heat and simmer for 10 minutes.
Serve with french bread


I won a blue ribbon from Just A Pinch Recipes for this one!

Homemade 3-in-1 Face Cleanser

Homemade 3-in-1 Face Cleanser

I recently started wearing mascara again and I needed something to remove it at night. My Mary Kay had gone bad and it has a bunch of chemicals any how. So this is what I came up with. It works really well and I actually use it on my whole face. After my shower I put it on a washcloth and simply wipe my face. No need to rinse off.


24 oz distilled water.

4 oz witch hazel.

.5 oz jojoba oil.

1/2 tsp baby wash (Burt’s bees)

Removes makeup. Refines pores. Moisturizes skin. Anti-bacterial. Anti-acne. Tones skin. Evens skin tone. What up!

Chunky Chicken Tortilla Soup

Chunky Chicken Tortilla Soup

This is one of my all time favorite recipes! I don’t like the texture of your typical tortilla soup. The slimey tortilla strips gross me out. So I just don’t add them. I like to break up the chips and add them to the bowl a little at a time. That way they are crunchy!

First collect some ingredients.


1.5 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs

Olive oil

32 oz box chicken broth

1 can tomato paste

1 can diced tomatoes

1 small onion

1 red bell pepper

1 green bell pepper

1 cup each of black beans, pinto beans and red beans (soaked)

Salt, Cumin, Chili Powder, Garlic Powder

2 Cups Water

1 cup of corn


Thaw and rinse your chicken

Preheat oven to 400 degrees f.

add 1 tbsp olive oil to a baking dish

Mix up your spices

1-1/2 tsp Cumin

1 tsp Chili Powder

1/2 tsp Garlic Powder

1/2 tsp Salt (I use Redmonds Real Salt)

rub chicken with spices and a little olive oil

Bake chicken for 30 minutes at 400 degrees

When done shred chicken with fork and set aside


Dice up all your veggies

Add 2 tbsp olive oil to a big pot

Add veggies to the pot and sautee until tender


once tender add in tomato paste, diced tomatoes, chicken broth, water, corn and beans.

(I always add in the water that I soaked the beans in)

add in more spices!

1-1/2 tsp Cumin

1 tsp Chili Powder

1/2 tsp Garlic Powder

1/2 tsp Salt (I use Redmonds Real Salt)

put in your shredded chicken and simmer on medium for about an hour or until beans are tender


Check salt levels and add more if you need it


Garnish with cilantro and serve with sliced avocado, red onion and tortilla chips